3 June 2012

For the First time in a Long time

Standing in the middle of my living room, I’m listening to my mom talking. I can hear my brother rev his motorcycle engine in the garage. A turn on the ball of my foot and walk out to see him, and before I know it, he and I are conversing. The whole thing is such an out of body experience. I go back into my living room and stand at the back door, just listening.
Listening to the music playing upstairs in my room, by brother working in the garage, my mom talking and laughing, and the birds chirping, noticing the simple way the tree limbs sway slightly in the soft summer breeze.
Meanwhile, I’m just standing there, with a cup of tea in my hands, listening. Observing. Enjoying. Peaceful.
Going back over the memories of the past few days that have made me laugh so hard they’ve brought me to tears. The experiences I’ve gone through lately, and just life in general.
For the First time in a long time, I can truly tell you that I’m happy. Nobody is fighting or bickering. No one is holding grudges. No one is dying to get out of the house and away from each other. Things are just how they’re supposed to be. For me. For once. I don’t feel like my life is flashing it’s way by.
I may be out of my body and mind, but for once, I feel like I’m more me than I have been in years.
The family is together. We’re all safe and healthy. We’re not breathing down each others necks.
For the first time, we’re all individuals, but all completely in harmony, in unison, and completely together.
I look around and think to myself, “My life, as far from perfect as it is, in this moment, is my definition of perfection. These are the moments you live for.”

21 April 2012

What Gives You The Right?

I know this long, but it will be very well worth the read, I can guarantee you this. This is entirely by me, and all my thoughts.

People who have the nerve to sit in front of a computer screen and type things like, ‘You need to kill yourself,’ ‘why are you still alive, you’re worthless,’ and ‘have you ever tried killing yourself, because you really should’ absolutely disgust me. Just because you’re on the other side of the computer and don’t see the immediate repercussions of those words doesn’t mean that they don’t hurt someone. Just the thought of someone even thinking about sending those kinds of thoughts to someone makes me want to vomit. But those of you who actually think it’s okay to voice those thoughts out loud? So you may have the freedom of speech, but what gives you the right to think it okay to cause someone to want to take away their freedom of life. Every life is special, whether you think so or not. And the fact that you then think it is okay to send ANYONE at all hate mail, texts, threats, is beyond revolting. What makes you think you’re any better than anyone else? What makes you think you have the right to cause someone to push themselves over the edge. You never know the battles that someone is fighting.

Just because you don’t like someone, give you absolutely NO RIGHT to tell someone that they aren’t worth the life they have been blessed with. Someone out there loves them, just as someone out there loves you.

&Just because you might not think that those words truly impact someone’s life, does not, in any way, shape, or form, give you the right to tell them to end their life. And the fact that you have even thought this about someone, is absolutely revolting.

So the next time you feel it’s okay to sit behind an anonymous, grey face on tumblr, telling someone that they’re not good enough, why don’t you just pray for them? Pray that whatever it is that you don’t like about them, gets improved. Pray that they get better. Pray for them to improve their life, not that they end it.

Everyone should watch the movie ‘CYBERBULLY’ with Emily Osment and Kay Panabaker. It just might hit you the kind of effect that your words can have on someone. And it just might cause a change in you. But next time anyone goes to send hate mail to anyone, just think that you could be the one person to finally push them over the edge. Do you want to be the one that basically took someone’s life? Do you want to live the rest of your life, knowing that the hurt and suffering of so many other friends and family members of this person will forever be on your conscience? No.

So next time you go to send something like that to someone, wishing for them to take their life, turn around and pray for them.